


In the Darkness of His Room

by gnotegaynote



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Crying, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Panic Attacks, Phone Calls & Telephones, Post-Squip
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-03-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 22:59:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13844817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gnotegaynote/pseuds/gnotegaynote
Summary: It was naive to think everything would be fine the moment the SQUIP disappeared from their lives.





	In the Darkness of His Room

**Author's Note:**

> after 8 months of doing basically nothing interesting, something hit me and i rewrote my old bmc fanfic, if you can call it a rewrite when all the plot is changed  
> enjoy ppl  
> also i feel like i should delete the work and update it into a new one, but who cares anyway

For Michael it was as if time had stopped after the SQUIP incident. He wouldn't call himself the happiest person these days. Back to a few months ago, he had a friend, someone who he could count on and always go to when he was feeling down.

Then some things changed. Jeremy got himself new friends, better, cooler, more popular. The time they were apart, those few months, it was deciding to Michael.

He made himself more distant, because he didn't belong. No one even thought of questioning his behavior. He didn't have anyone to do that, after all.

His only friend was apparently not even his friend anymore.

They didn't talk for a long, long time.

Michael understood that perfectly. Who would want to be friends with a loser like him? Most people didn't even know his name.

When he got accustomed, he could say he was perfectly fine by himself.

The nights he spent crying himself to sleep or not sleeping at all, they didn't matter. He was alone, and that was fine.

Until that one day. Jeremy just came back into his life, apologizing, with his red-rimmed eyes and regretful smile. And even though Michael was sure he could manage, it was the right time to admit how much he  _ really _ missed his player two. How his life was all pointless since that lonely night in the bathroom.

And so, when Jeremy apologized for the hundredth time, Michael smiled. He let himself hope that they would be a team again, like the good old times.

He so, so wanted that. Jeremy was still more than welcomed in his life. Jeremy was his light, and he didn't want to live in the darkness anymore. There was too much darkness.

Michael didn't forgive Jeremy back then. He didn't accept his apologies, and that's all because he was never mad at the blond. How could he want any apologies from his one and only teammate, friend, his own personal hero?

It was all SQUIP's fault, anyway.

At least that's what he kept telling himself.

As life was going on, Michael realized just how wrong he was about everything.

He tried to talk to his friend countless times, to interact, to play a little stupid game. Jeremy always dismissed him, saying that he was about to  _ go out _ with his  _ friends _ , and they could play the other time.

They never did.

Sometimes Michael sat alone at the lunchtable and stared at the circle of Jeremy's friends with Jeremy right in the middle of them. Looked like they had fun together. Even though the blond didn't have the SQUIP anymore, they really bonded. Michael could say that by just one look.

He decided it would be the best to try and be happy for them.

His loneliness came back, crashing him like a too big wave in the ocean full of interactions and friends, family and love, the one in which he would certainly drown.

One time he was sure Jeremy was going to talk to him. They stood at the other sides of the school hall, readying themselves to go home. Michael saw the look in Jeremy's eyes; he was coming right his way, as nervous and clumsy as he always was; Michael was so eager, so hopeful back then.

But it ended with a simple wave of hand from Jeremy, simple  _ bye _ , and just like that, he was gone again.

Michael was coming back home in dead silence, lost in his thoughts, mind wandering far, far away from his body. He saw Jeremy walking just a few steps in front of him, but they didn't talk. It was as if they were nonexistent to each other.

Michael had that feeling of dread deep inside him. He wondered what would happen if he just walked a little faster, if he started a conversation and just went with the flow.

Obviously, he didn't do that.

Obviously, he opened the door of his house, came in saying  _ hello _ and getting no answer (as always), and went to his room as slowly as it was possible, dragging his feet.

He fell onto his bed, hopelessly trying to fall asleep and just get rid of his miserable life.

The sleep never came, but it barely ever did those days. Just another little routine he had developed some time ago.

“Come  _ fucking _ on!” Jeremy screamed at his computer. After all those years, he still couldn't get used to that  _ useful _ piece of  _ oh so great _ technology. He was pretty sure he could open Instagram faster on a potato than on his computer. But having cracked a few more times, it finally started to work.

He could use his phone for that, but it didn't really matter, so. He was scrolling through the photos of his new friends for what felt like hours. There were some pics of Brooke's newest outfits, artistic-aesthetic photos of Jake and Rich (who would have thought they had it in them to take that kind of photos?)

And of course some of Christine's posts. Christine in the park, smiling widely and playing wildly in golden leaves, Christine doing homework in her room full of posters and paintings, Christine having fun with a bunch of friends, her cheeks tainted pink from fall's chilly weather. She looked beautiful. Simple, true beauty she somehow always managed to keep.

_ Christine Canigula, I could start writing poems for you _ .

Still thinking of the girl of his dreams, he scrolled through the page until he found a video reminding him of something that felt like home. It was part of a gameplay made by some random youtuber. The game he played was called  _ Apocalypse of the Damned _ .

Jeremy started to cry.

In the darkness of his room, in the middle of the night, Michael cried, too.

He wanted his friend to be happy. He wanted it so much, and it was selfish of him to demand from Jeremy to talk to him. But sometimes he just got so overwhelmed by ignorance that he felt he couldn't do that anymore. He couldn't pretend nothing happened, because  _ so many things  _ did happen.

And so he cried, almost every night, not being able to fall asleep. He cried for his lost, lasting for years friendship. His gut-wrenching sobs could worry literally anyone, if there was someone to care. The thing was, Jeremy had been Michael's only friend for so long that he couldn't, wouldn't really want to remember talking to anyone else, and without Jeremy, he was, well, malfunctioning.

Sometimes he would forget he had to go to school, eat, sleep. Ridiculous as it was, he really wasn't doing so well on his own.

He wanted to call Jeremy so many times. One time when he cut his finger and wanted his friend to say some stupid shit, like,  _ oh man, you're going to turn into a zombie now! _ , or that one time when he was playing a game and wanted Jeremy to come over.

(He pretty much panicked when he realized Jeremy wouldn't come, because there were so many things to do better than spending time with Michael, but it happens to the best of us, doesn't it?)

Or that one time he just wanted to talk about,  _ ugh _ , school. Then again, he couldn't talk to anyone even about a stupid random assignment.

Well, that was just sad.

It was about 3AM when his phone called.

That was kind of shocking, not to say he nearly got a heart attack, but he picked his phone from the floor, anyway. Squinting at too bright screen (oh god, his eyes really  _ did _ hurt), he saw the name he would never expect to see, even though it was one of the few people that had his number.

Yes, he hesitated pretty hard before picking up, but he did that after maybe twenty seconds, surprised it was still ringing.

“Hello?” he asked warily, not having any expectations about what the boy on the other side would want from him.

“M-Michael? Is that y-you?” Jeremy was stuttering in a weak voice, and for a moment Michael contemplated whether his phone was broken, or was it just Jeremy who was broken.

Hopefully the first one.

“Michael it is. ‘Sup?” he tried to sound casual and careless, resisting the urge to panic.

“I just wanted to know if you wanna maybe meet up, or something.” Michael could easily say the boy was hesitant.

“Fine. When?”

“Uh, like, right now, maybe?”

_ That's so idiotic. I bet he's not going to come, anyway. Maybe he's just making fun of me, calling at night like this. Maybe he's with his new friends and they're laughing just next to him. It's probably one big joke. _

“Where?” The question sounded more begrudgingly than he would want to.

“Actually, c-can I come?”

“Yeah, sure, why not. It's not like it's almost dawn, you know.”

There was only silence and heavy breathing coming from his phone, and he was starting to feel worry.

“S-Sorry, I shouldn't h-have called.”

_ You stupid _ .

“No! I'm waiting, come here.”

“Okay.”

It was only a short walk from his to Michael's house, but dread had already settled in the pit of his stomach. His throat tightened, and the fear didn’t want to let him go.

_ It's fine, fine, fine. It's your friend. Michael is your friend _ , he kept saying the words in his head like a mantra, hoping he would get rid of uneasiness. Obviously, it didn't.

No matter what he tried, he still kept shaking. That meeting would be a total disaster, he felt it deep in his bones.

He left his best friend hanging, for a long time not even regretting it. He had already apologized one time, but nothing had changed since then.

Breathing became almost impossible when he stood in front of the door. He wanted to run away and hide, but he knew he couldn't do that. Not this time.

He sent a message to Michael, letting him know he was there.

The second the door opened, he was pulled into a bone-crushing hug. At first, he was terrified, because he couldn't really process what had just happened. But as he grabbed a hold of the situation, he relaxed immediately. It was fine, that was Michael hugging him, his friend. His  _ best _ friend. He was safe, he was okay.

He started to cry again. He mumbled so many apologies that it could easily cover all the mistakes he'd done in his whole life.

“Oh, man.” Michael pulled away and smiled. It was enough to make Jeremy almost happy again. “Just don't leave me like that ever again.”

Jeremy sobbed again, more tears falling from his eyes. He looked down, knowing it was all his fault.

“I'm so sorry,” he apologized for what felt like hundredth time.

“It's okay, though,” Michael reassured, not wanting to upset him any more. “I just missed you, ya know?”

“Y-Yeah, me too.”

“It's good to have you here, Heere.”

Michael pulled him inside the house, inside the room, where they sat down snuggled against each other, and eventually fell asleep, both of them with little smiles on their lips and no worries in their minds.

**Author's Note:**

> find me on tumblr @gnotegaynote oooor on tt which i use a lot more, also @gnotegaynote  
> thanks for reading, hope you're having a nice day out there


End file.
